I have never used the word confident to describe myself. That is until now.
My confidence, particularly in my body is something that is new to me. In fact, I spent the majority of my life feeling ashamed and embarrassed about my figure. I’m a Latina, and while we embrace curves, my family taught me to only embrace certain curves. They believe in curves in moderation and that being skinny equivalates to beauty and happiness. You should also know that I’m a Virgo and seek perfection in anything that I do. The combination of the two lead me to have body image issues since I can remember.
I’d like to ask you to take a minute to reflect on your childhood with me. What are some of the most impressionable things you were told? I was a fluffy girl and I was told that I need to lose weight and cover up in the meantime.
Shorts? Not with those thighs.
T-shirts? Cover those big arms little girl.
Meanwhile, I was just a girl that liked to wear mismatched clothes and dance to Ace of Base in my room. The music in my head was on too loud for these words to sink in right away, but one day they did, and that was the day that my life changed. They cut through my moldable brain like a knife, and since then there have been very distinct chapters in my life. The chapters of childhood innocence, and the darker chapters that proceed.
One of my greatest talents has always been faking it until I make it. I faked being happy since I was in middle school. While other adolescent kids spent time doing normal things like playing sports and hanging out with friends, I spent most of middle school and high school obsessing about what I ate. Don’t get me wrong, I still participated with the crowd (that’s part of my faking it), I just always had my obsession with food right next to me.
There were times when I didn’t eat. I remember in the summer of seventh grade I actually did a test to see how long I could go without eating anything other than chicken broth and six crackers a day. I lasted three days and felt accomplished, yet disappointed in myself for not lasting five days as I had planned. Does that seem normal to you? It did to me.
I wish I could say that these are my only memories of my struggle with body image, but they aren’t. I could write a book about them, but I also don’t want to give them any more of me. See, these memories have caused a lot of heartache for me, but I have spent the last few years changing that. You’re probably wondering how did that change come about? How did I go from hating myself to feeling so confident in my skin?
I really can’t say it was one thing, but a combination of many things. My compassionate husband played a big role in helping me learn to love myself. I also learned to forgive my past, learn from it, and move on.
I no longer measure my self-worth based on digits on a scale. I learned that obsessing with my body image didn’t make me happy. I took the time and energy that I was investing in hating myself and used it to find reasons to love myself.
I found out that I’m a great person. I’m passionate, kind, and bursting with creativity. I like to help people, especially those who have faced the same demons as I have, which is why I share these intimate stories about myself here. It’s hard for me to do this, but this blog isn’t just about taking cute outfit pics. That’s actually the easy part. But the part that means most to me is inspiring women to feel comfortable and confident in anything that they wear. By continuing to put my once suppressed personal style out there, I hope that other women (maybe even you!) will learn to live life unapologetically.
I hope that the next time that you question if something is “flattering” for your figure or wonder what others think of what you are wearing, you will think of me. Not in a creepy way, but I hope that you know you are not alone in your journey of self-confidence and body acceptance. We are all in this together and thankfully there are clothing retailers like Torrid that support us with more options and less boundaries when it comes to fashion. Remember, clothing is a form of self-expression and I encourage you to run with it and never look back!
It’s been a long road getting here, but I can definitely say that #TheseCurves are more than just flesh, they have depth. They have meaning and purpose, but most importantly– I’m CONFIDENT in them and I love them. The clothing on them? Those are the pieces of fabric and textiles that allow me to reflect the great things inside of me with the world. Although I have to say, having the option to wear clothing that makes me feel great, like this maxi dress from the Torrid Insider Collection is a nice bonus and instant confidence boost!